dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
