i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
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I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
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Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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