Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
