these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
