I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
