You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
