I don't think brook has ever known best
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
