I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
