We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
