Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Your cock deserves a montage
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
