She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
