I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
