got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
