okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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