Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This is my gift to your gina
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
