She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
