I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
