I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
