mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
