the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You dont lie about slip and slides
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
