Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
