I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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