The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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