My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
