Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
