Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
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My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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