if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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