3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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