david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
