he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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