I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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