I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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