yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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