Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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