chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
