You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
