Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Houston, we have a squirter
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
