Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
