people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
