I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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