Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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