Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
