I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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