he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
