haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
