I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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