Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
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I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
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Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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