so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
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i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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