I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Betty ford says i'm here all night
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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