I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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