so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Houston, we have a blender
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
