good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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