Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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