I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
