Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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