Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
