no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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