i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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