It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
