We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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