did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
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I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
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The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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