Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
