I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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