Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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