I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
