Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
