dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
