No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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